It was all she could do to feel her feet on the ground. Never mind that. She completely forgot to feel her feet on the ground. She completely forgot she even had feet. She spent the day in her head. She spent the day in the future. She spent the day worried and scared and in fear of rejection. She spent the day doing things, keeping busy so her fears would leave, even for a second. She cleaned, she cooked, she hugged her children and played Battleship. But those pesky thoughts kept coming back and reminding her that this time tomorrow, she could be old news. Trash thrown out the back door – forgotten. But wait, she reminded herself, this is the old story. She reminded herself that she is who she is, whether or not she’s rejected by another. She’s strong. She’s capable. She’ll manage. She knows how connecting with someone doesn’t mean forgetting others and throwing them away. Except that the voices in her head try to convince her that she’s wrong and that that’s exactly what she did, herself. Those voices are wrong. Those voices are wrong. Those voices are wrong! There was no throwing away. There was a realization, a truth revealed, an understanding, and then a moving on. She finds herself desperately wanting to know what’s happening elsewhere, to be a fly on the wall, or bigger than that. Except that would probably be even harder, truthfully, than not knowing at all. She can’t wait for the day to end, to move on from the thoughts swirling in her head, keeping her from connecting to her power, to the Source, to Earth. She finally presses play, lets the music flood in, the tears flow out, and her feet can finally feel the ground.
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Still going strong with the 365 Project, but I am falling behind with sharing it on the blog! I am still enjoying the project, but finding it difficult to break free of the head+shoulders shots. Here’s the latest installment.
I haven’t given up on the 365 Project yet… whew! It’s still fun, and still challenging. I did miss one day, and I feel like it’s cheating to make up for it by taking two in one day, so I guess this is really the 364 Project. I kind of like the mistake, because it gives me another opportunity to embrace my non-perfectionist side, if that makes any sense!
Here’s the next installment of self portraits!
To see my other self portraits, click here.
Having fun painting! One of the guys working at the art store gave me a big lecture about using my hands to spread the paint on the canvas. Something about metals and health… blah, blah, blah…(kidding). I know he’s right so I bought myself a box of gloves. They are working well, even if they are a bit too big. It doesn’t make too much difference to the process, and my hands are clean at the end, which is a bit of a bonus.
In other taking-care-of-myself news, I am aiming to drink my full litre of water a day. But not just water, slightly (Celtic-sea-)salted water – in order to not be in the washroom every 10 minutes. I just learned this yesterday, and it seems to be working!
It’s been awhile since I painted a self-portrait! I painted this one for the Self-Portrait Project, put on by the arthouse co-op. Everyone who signed up received a 4×4 mounted canvas; all the self-portraits will be displayed together on one wall, later this year. I would love to be able to see the wall of faces!
Sometimes it might be Wednesday. Or Monday. Whatever day I feel like doing a self-portrait. I’ve never had an issue with drawing or painting myself , but when it comes to photos, they just never seem right, and I wonder why I am even doing it. This should be a good opportunity for me to care less about how I look in a photograph. Ha!! Hahahha!! Or it could be a failed experiment right from the get-go. I’m already judging this – why would anyone want to see a photograph of me? Why would anyone want to see a photograph of me on a regular basis? Why am I doing this? Why am I so vain? Am I so vain? I love seeing self-portraits on the blogs I read regularly, so why do I have all these insecurities? And on and on…