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In the first session of the e-course I am taking, Marisa mentions that we should be aware of comparing ourselves to others. (I think it’s kind of cool how that matches up with this sketchbook page that I am posting.) It’s something that I do a lot, as much as I don’t want to. I have a nasty little gremlin in my head that likes to point out how I just don’t measure up, can’t be successful where I live, that I paint the wrong things – everything is wrong. Jeez! Sometimes I want to tell my gremlin to shut it, but it’s a part of me and doesn’t take well to being treated so poorly. Meditation is helpful for sure. I can see it for what it is – just a voice in my head that wants to keep me safe. I’m thinking it might be time for another look at “Taming Your Gremlin” by Rick Carson. What does your gremlin say to you? How do you treat it? What do you do to tame it?
I sent my sketchbook in for the Sketchbook Project today! Yay!! It’s going to take a while to get all the images up on flickr and to this blog. I might end up putting a whole bunch at once to get it over with, but for now I am spacing them out.
I’m like one of those lab rats running around a maze, always coming back to the same spot. I’ve been keeping track of my back issues, and I’m on a (about) 2 month cycle of feeling good and treating myself well, and then letting all slide (which mean sitting more than I should). I have that tightness in my lower back again. It always scares me when it starts, and I am very much aware of how I focus on the negative and want it to go away. This doesn’t help at all.
I recently started meditating again (there have been lots of fresh starts for meditating!!) and I can really see the benefit now, especially with the back trouble. My “witness” part of me is easier to spot. The witness doesn’t feel the pain, but rather, notices that I (my body) am feeling pain, and that I (my mind) is stuck in the pain. This awareness lets me deal with it better, and allows me to remember that it won’t last forever.
I just finished reading “Room” by Emma Donoghue – it’s a touching, frightening, wonderful story, told from the point of view of Jack, a 5-year old boy. Jack likes to do “word sandwiches”, where he combines two words to make a new one. My favourite in the book, one that is appropriate for me right now is “scave”. I am scared and brave at the same time.