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What are you afraid of?
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I’ve been thinking a lot about one item on my list from yesterday’s post: meeting and becoming friends with some people in the art world. A lot of analyzing has been going on, and while I still would love to meet these people, I think this is what is going on: by dreaming about becoming friends with them, I am attempting to validate my own self worth. If they were to like me enough to become friends with me, then that would mean I am 1. a good enough friend, 2. a good enough artist, and 3. successful enough to be friends with successful people. Something like that, anyway. If you have a psych degree, perhaps you can help me out with this one. Or maybe I’m just being too hard on myself; I have a history of doing that. After all, they are just dreams – things I wrote down on paper while the clock was counting down 10 minutes. Some of them I’m not sure about any more so I haven’t included them here. Here’s the expanded list, divided into the doable, and the need-help-able.
Me (things I can do, in time):
The Universe (things I need help with):
One action step I can take right now (just did) is to check out the dates of the next Michele Cassou workshop. I would love to attend one of the loooong ones!!
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(Be vulnerable.)
Meet and become friends with SARK, Andrea Scher and Marisa Haedike. They are amazing people. Edit: I am freaking out a bit about sharing this one, and questioning why I put “become friends with”. I am so over-analyzing this, it’s silly.
(Be brave.)
Ride a hot air balloon.
Travel all over the world teaching painting.
Teach Core Connexion dance.
(Be flexible.)
Perform onstage or in a movie. (yikes!)
(Be open in a new way.)
Write a book that showcases my art.
Discovered by a prestigious NYC gallery, and exhibit there.
Am well known and loved for teaching intuitive painting.
Illustrate books that are published and successful.
A famous person buys my art.
(Be trusting.)
Successfully sell paintings online.
Have a huge following.
Sell a painting daily.
Own a home in Greece or Italy with a pool, near a beach.
Teach amazing dance & painting workshops.
Some of these belong under multiple headings! I will feel free to add to this later. Or change it. It is not set in stone.
I’m having a hard time pressing “Publish”. Here goes…
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Dear gremlin living inside me (a.k.a. inner critic),
I give you permission to go on holiday.
I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to keep me safe anymore. It does not benefit me.
I give myself permission to know that I am safe.
I give myself permission to feel wanted.
I give myself permission to be BIG and take up space.
I give myself permission to be someone that people admire.
Thanks,
Me.
I’m starting to dream. I was going to say, “I’m starting to dream again”, but I honestly don’t remember dreaming like this before. I don’t mean the dreams you have when you are sleeping, I mean Dreams, that sit in your heart and soul, and wait to be discovered. Part of why I am dreaming now is thanks to an impulse I had, to sign up for Mondo Beyondo. And what I am learning is that impulses (backed up by intuition) are leading me to where I am meant to go. Where I want to go.
Here’s a little list of the times I have used my intuition, and/or acted on impulse, and it has brought about a big change in my life.
1. When I first met JP, literally, like 5 minutes after meeting him, I KNEW he was the guy I would marry. My mother can attest to this, since I called her that night to tell her.
2. When I was pregnant with my daughters, I somehow KNEW that I would no longer be an art conservator. I gave notice at the museum shortly after that. I’ve never looked back!
3. I got an email from a friend a year ago about the Sketchbook project, and I KNEW it was something I should do. I did it, and I am so glad I did. It HAS led to bigger things!
4. Talking to Nancy one day, she told me she needed someone else to become her client (for personal coaching) and I JUMPED in. This led to my next point.
5. Nancy dared me to hold a painting class. I JUMPED in again. So glad I did.
You should know that this jumping in thing is quite against the style of perfectionists! I am building the courage to do it more and more. The more I do it, the more I CAN do it.
P.S. I am featured on Stacie’s Jewelry blog!