I have a split personality right now. Half of me is so in tune with myself, so able to listen and respond, I am not even sure how it happened. The other half, well, it ignores the blaring messages I send myself.
The last year or so, I have contemplated removing sugar from my diet. Maybe not entirely, but certainly lowering my intake. Contemplated, but not taken action. I was still stocking cookies and chocolate in the cupboard, still eating them when I was bored or frustrated, still consuming sugar. The feeling that I am not doing my body any favors with all the sugar has been getting stronger and stronger. A few weeks ago, something clicked, and I just stopped. Not totally, but stopped enough that there was a small, lonely piece of chocolate sitting in the pantry that wasn’t consumed for at least a week. I just ignored it without any trouble. I admit I let it out of its misery at the end of that week – I mean, I wasn’t going to throw it away – it was good chocolate, after all. I have really started to get the hang of just eating what I need. It’s surprising how little that is in a sitting, which, I admit, can be disappointing when the food tastes really good. I’m eating about 6 times a day though, so I’m certainly not going hungry. I’m even eating fruit when a sugar craving hits – I never used to do that. All in all, I’m pretty impressed with my ability to listen to my myself.
Until yesterday. On the lovely internets, I noticed a post that I wanted to respond to. There was a voice inside of me that, I admit, was really quite loud, telling me not to do it. I didn’t listen. Me (thinking): “But this isn’t a hot-button topic like I’ve gotten myself into trouble with in the past (like religion, and circumcision). It’ll be fine.” Never again. My intentions were honorable, to offer support, although my opinion was different to the majority of commenters. I am pretty sure my words were misinterpreted, and not taken as support, as evidenced by the deletion of some of my comments. It’s time for me to listen to that wise voice inside – it knows when trouble’s a-brewin’! Even now, I’m thinking of deleting this entire post. I have a big fear of offending people enough that they no longer like me. The flip-side of this is that I want to be authentic, true to myself, and not hold myself back for fear of what others will think. How do I reconcile these two desires? Any thoughts?