I noticed myself getting frustrated by my father today. He was impatient, wanting to get to the restaurant for dinner early, and spoke up when cars weren’t moving fast enough for his liking. Similarily, my 8-year old son frequently asks me about the next activity, and how much longer we will be doing what we are presently doing. I am equally frustrated by both of these experiences, and annoyed at the feeling of being rushed, but above all, noticing that my father and my son are both my mirrors.
In a recent healing session with Roxanne, I discovered that “pace” has been an issue for me for a long time, but not consciously. I frequently move at others’ paces, rather than my own, and when my internal pace doesn’t match those of others, I have been allowing it to anger me.
I’ve had a belief that if I don’t move as fast (or as slow, in some instances) as others, then they will be angry at me, and no longer love or like me. Now I can see how this is not likely to be the truth, and even if it is, I no longer have the desire to have a need to be loved by others. I want to love myself first, which means listening to my own needs, and my own pace.